Sitting listening to Jill Scott sing "Whenever You're Around" and a melancholic way has settled on me. I am deep somewhere within myself and I'm lonely. I am lonely in this place. It is still and quiet and it is very disturbing. I said that all wrong - I am still, I am quiet, but internally I am disturbed. Inside I am enraged!
I am enraged at all that I cannot express. I am pent-up with words, instances, examples, feelings and I cannot release a single coherent thought. I just know that I am not pleased - with what, with whom - I do not know. Is this what it is to be female? Is this a symptom of "hormonal"? That can't be it because this is a new feeling.
Maybe this is what it is to be art-less. I haven't "created" anything in months. I've not massaged or "connected" with another body in far too long - as giver or recipient. I haven't had a gut-cramping laugh with a girlfriend... I am lonely.
8 years ago